Another week down, for real?
If you want to feel like life is going by quickly and simultaneously force yourself into some self-introspection, “What am I doing with myself?!” style, then do something like this “Everyday Thursday” series. It really makes you stop and think: “Wow, this week was really, um,…wait what happened? It’s been a week already?”
But seriously, does anyone else go to therapy and agree to do lots of things and then put them all (or mostly all) off until right before your next therapy session? Or am I just really bad at life?
When OCD becomes part of life…
It’s not as bad as all that. Dealing with OCD becomes woven into your normal life, and sometimes it’s hard to see your progress. It’s the little choices: do I change my clothes after (this) just happened or keep wearing the same thing? Do I wash my hands once, twice, or wait? Do I go back and check that one thing or let it go today?
And, while progress is sometimes hard to track or appreciate, it can be really easy to see and feel the failures. You start to feel ashamed when you do something you know you shouldn’t. Even (or especially) when it’s out of habit. You let yourself slide back into familiar ways of acting because you know them. You are used to them. They feel good. And that easily opens the door for the OCD to get back in and make itself at home once again.
So what was my week like? Well, we went on a mini trip with a bunch of friends and all stayed in one house, going to the beach, cooking and eating together, etc. I feel like this in itself was a great exposure. I used the same bathroom as about 11 other people and all that implies (I did bring some disposable paper towels for hand washing, though, but I think it was appreciated). I cooked breakfast for the group without using gloves or too much craziness. We roasted s’mores together and I slept in sheets and under blankets that I hope were sort of clean…. And I survived! I ate food that other people cooked, played games with everyone, and I only thought that I was getting sick (with a cold) on the day we drove home. Haha.
Other than that, I guess I’m playing it safe this week. I’m not being as aggressive as I could be, and maybe that’s a mistake. I’m letting myself slip into some extra hand washes when I know I shouldn’t. Things like that. I still need to do my toilet-food exposure. (I did buy a big thing of nuts today, so maybe that’ll help encourage me?) Sometimes I wish that I could go on vacation from having to worry about or be vigilant against my OCD. Wouldn’t that be nice?