Having kids is really hard.
I’ve written about how OCD can affect your relationship with your children, and I’m definitely willing to admit that my relationship with my kids isn’t always great. The OCD definitely made it worse, but I think our own personalities and the way we grew up also affects our parenting style, for better or worse.
The many skill sets of parenting
For instance, I’m really good at keeping the house clean and organized. I like to go into their rooms and reduce clutter, throw away trash or old toys/papers, and generally make their rooms welcoming. I’m also good at making meals. We usually always have breakfast and dinner together seated around the table as a family. I’m relatively skilled with limiting TV time, getting them to have quiet play or reading time, and getting them to bed at an appropriate hour.
But emotional and social things? Yeah, not so much.
Being graded as a parent
It’s really hard to have your kid get in trouble at school because he does something “bad” and refuses to talk about it. You don’t want your teacher to tell you that your child doesn’t really communicate with her properly. It makes you feel like a lousy parent. “But look! Our house is so clean!” you want to say. Or, “We eat dinner together and read to our children! Promise!”
The thing is, I didn’t always openly communicate my feelings either. I still don’t all the time (besides this blog, ha!). I have a hard time being physically demonstrative, being around a lot of people, dealing with certain social situations, etc. And my first born child is a lot like me, except he also has some of his dad’s genes too, of course. And is a boy.
I don’t know. It’s hard parenting and trying to separate where your child’s agency and personality begins and your responsibility to teach them correct principles ends. (Obviously your responsibility to teach correct principles doesn’t “end,” but hopefully you get my point). When can you rightfully say, “well, I did teach him not to do that so that decision he made boils to his own use of agency”?
Yeah. iIt’s been kind of a quietly rough week around these parts. Lots of thinking and moods and general tiredness.
And in OCD related news…
I did have an appointment with my doctor wherein we made a plan for my gradual weaning off of my medication (fluoxetine). I haven’t started yet, but I’m nervous/excited. Anyway, I guess life just keeps going and you have to jog or run to keep up, right?