Sometimes I feel completely overwhelmed when I start writing an “Everyday Thursday” post and simply don’t know what to say or where to begin. Most times, actually, that is the case, and today is no exception.
First of all, I want to say “thanks” for not abandoning the blog over the holiday break. Truth be told, it was a nice vacation of sorts, but I realized that I need the blog in one very important way. It helps to keep me current and accountable with my OCD maintenance.
Not writing blog posts regularly made me more lax with my compulsions in some respects. I didn’t have that “check in” or reminder of what I should be doing. So I’m grateful for these posts. They help me remember my cognitive behavioral therapy goals. In fact, in a very real way, they are my therapy now. Instead of driving over to see my doctor, I write in the blog. It’s a lot cheaper and a bit faster too (sorry, Dr. Bob! 😉
And, with that long introduction, let’s just say that I wasn’t great over the month of December with my OCD. Taking a blog hiatus plus going off my medication equaled a bit of relapse and freak outs. I sprayed disinfectant spray more than I should have and even used some hand sanitizer when I really shouldn’t do that at all anymore. I let the obsessions gain more foothold than I normally would have. I yelled or got angry with my family members over things that I probably should have overlooked.
The silver lining
And while all of that is not great, it’s not the end either. Just because we have relapses doesn’t mean that our recovery is wrecked. I have each new day and every upcoming obsession to make the choice to work harder. I don’t have to let a downward spiral continue to drag me back to rock bottom. Instead, I can start swimming against the current and get myself back above water. That’s what I intend to do, even if it’s hard.
Because honestly, with some things, it is definitely a challenge. Other obsessions are easier to turn down. But they all matter. The small victories can give a boost to our self confidence and enable us to better handle the big issues that arise. And keeping accountable to someone or something helps to keep us on track as well.
So, here’s to a new year and another year of fighting OCD. We can do it, and you know why? Because we don’t have any choice. We must go on.