Thursday morning started with bathroom clean up and washing the underwear and later, the towels. These are typically hard chores for me. Last week, cleaning the bathrooms and doing the towels/underwear was really stressful and involved a lot of hand washing (around 10?). I didn’t do an excessive amount of hand washing yesterday and was not as stressed and worried as I typically am. (I think I had 10 hand washes for the whole day once again).
Showering, I shaved my legs and got blood on my towel. I know I probably should have kept the towel and used it for the rest of the week, regardless of the stain, but since I was washing towels anyway, I did throw it in with the other towels (but I didn’t bleach the blood spot).
I did my “normal” exposures, and I don’t think I washed my hands specifically after folding the clean underwear (like I probably would have in the past).
Yesterday I went to my OCD group in Portland and right before leaving, I thought my “outside” touching clothes may have touched my underwear (which is a trigger for me). I really wanted to change and even went upstairs to do so… but with a little motivation I did not. I went in the car and to group in the same clothes that I wore the rest of the day.
My doctor told me once something to the effect that not knowing whether or not I would do the compulsion caused anxiety—he instructed to not even let the compulsion be an option. This is sometimes (frequently) so difficult. I am trying to get there, little by little!